Im really not all that sure....

how to say it....
Sorry.?
If you know who this is and I know who you are the chances are that I am sorry to you.
Not for everything, and definitely not for all my words, but more or less my actions, or short comings of them.
Does that make sense?
I am sorry for what I did and didn't do,
what I am sure I did wasn't intentional, and to cause you harm was the least of my yearnings.
I wanted happiness and love,
acceptance and friendship.
And I got nothing and panic'ed and ran screaming, flailing arms about acting all...well typical and ruining everything in my path.

It hurt, the words and actions you did.
More then the ones others were doing, saying, putting in your mouth. I always knew when it came from you.
It was always a low hit, with nothing behind it, words had meaning, but not a violent one, not even angry.
I know you don't feel you need to apologize for everything, we share that view.
I am just wanting happiness, love, acceptance and friendship for you.
Even if none of that is from me.
Life hurts, and I am sorry for making that pain stronger, harder to swallow and bitter.
I made it that way for me too.

So again, K.S, sorry. And I hope life has brought you everything you wanted and more. I hope it brought everything we wanted together, but with some one else, maybe better. I hope that even though we don't speak, see or need each other anymore, that we can be civil.

I dream of you, awake to tears and memories and the hardest pain in my heart I've ever felt. In those moments I feel more alone and afraid then I have ever felt, anywhere, with anyone. I cry about what lives we could have together and what a difference we could have made for each other. I want to hug you, and feel the same way we always felt, through all the years and all the memories. I know that won't happen, or ever even become a thought in your mind, whatever I did, I did it to the point of reckoning, and doomed myself to a life lived alone.

Not alone, but without you.
I've lost a lot of my soul to be who I am, perhaps an apology, a fair trade of words, would bring it back. I know that that's a typical thing for me to want. Something from nothing. I lost myself and in trying to find myself again, it's a good step to back track. I keep landing on you.

Sorry, for everything.

Me.

Peanut Butter &

Jam.

Monday upon us and what's more I've gone days with out creativity. I've finished a painting about a week ago and now have the steam free exhausties. That's ok though, I'm sure it'll come to me at one point. Damn, got to make this a short and also un-creative tid bit of mine.

H.

HELP ME

I know I wrote out some mini-half-assed blurb only minutes ago, but now I seek the help of the online community, not that there are people out there that actually read, look or comment on all the crap I put up. So I am redoing my 'reading room' (dubbed so by my daughter)  slash showroom (dubbed so by me). I have an onslaught of artwork piling up and have no idea the best way to showcase it in my 10 foot by 10 foot room. So here I will give you some pics and you can tell me what to do...not where to go.

not where to go,

I have to prime the room and I was thinking something dark on one wall and the rest bright/light colours. (STOP correcting me with the little red lines, I live in Canada...there's a U). Also looking for some display solutions such as a thicker chair rail I can set art on or something to that effect.

Plus I need some better shelving too being that I have some clay art and 3-D stuff that needs better displaying then on a dusty basement/studio shelf hidden behind thousands of records and cassettes (I know its 2011)

So any and all input is awesome and appreciated!

Wow, Since November??

I haven't been up to much, being out of work really gets me down, as it does the best of us. I've been cleaning and organizing and colouring in colour books. My daughter doesn't go to day school anymore because with me not working, not only is it not affordable, but pointless (except for the child interaction which both she and I miss). I have been painting and painting and painting and the odd sewing. I made a sock monkey, first one ever and have found my sewing abilities to not entirely suck, so I want to make some more for all the great little kiddies and friends I know. Here's some pics to update you, and I promise to stop in more often (maybe :s )

So that's all of it for now.

Out!