how to say it....
Sorry.?
If you know who this is and I know who you are the chances are that I am sorry to you.
Not for everything, and definitely not for all my words, but more or less my actions, or short comings of them.
Does that make sense?
I am sorry for what I did and didn't do,
what I am sure I did wasn't intentional, and to cause you harm was the least of my yearnings.
I wanted happiness and love,
acceptance and friendship.
And I got nothing and panic'ed and ran screaming, flailing arms about acting all...well typical and ruining everything in my path.
It hurt, the words and actions you did.
More then the ones others were doing, saying, putting in your mouth. I always knew when it came from you.
It was always a low hit, with nothing behind it, words had meaning, but not a violent one, not even angry.
I know you don't feel you need to apologize for everything, we share that view.
I am just wanting happiness, love, acceptance and friendship for you.
Even if none of that is from me.
Life hurts, and I am sorry for making that pain stronger, harder to swallow and bitter.
I made it that way for me too.
So again, K.S, sorry. And I hope life has brought you everything you wanted and more. I hope it brought everything we wanted together, but with some one else, maybe better. I hope that even though we don't speak, see or need each other anymore, that we can be civil.
I dream of you, awake to tears and memories and the hardest pain in my heart I've ever felt. In those moments I feel more alone and afraid then I have ever felt, anywhere, with anyone. I cry about what lives we could have together and what a difference we could have made for each other. I want to hug you, and feel the same way we always felt, through all the years and all the memories. I know that won't happen, or ever even become a thought in your mind, whatever I did, I did it to the point of reckoning, and doomed myself to a life lived alone.
Not alone, but without you.
I've lost a lot of my soul to be who I am, perhaps an apology, a fair trade of words, would bring it back. I know that that's a typical thing for me to want. Something from nothing. I lost myself and in trying to find myself again, it's a good step to back track. I keep landing on you.
Sorry, for everything.
Me.
I remember the time you explicitly described your so called friends suicide,, I hope you feel like crap about this for the rest of yur life
ReplyDeletethe funniest part of your comment is the one sidedness. Yes I did discribe her suicide, like she did many times prior, most of what I wrote was things she dreamed of. And the fact she threatened to hurt me and my unborn child at the time tell me she should feel crappier.
ReplyDeleteBut your right, reposting it for the world to see was childish, however taking photos my of child and making facebook groups against her (she was 2 weeks old) and laughing and feeling no remorse tells me she should feel crappier.
Jeopardizing my relationship with lies, gossip and hurtful accusations about him and myself, while we were still getting to know each other. Saying things about him that weren't true to my friends and similar untrue things to his friends, tells me she should feel crappier.
I admit childish actions feed the room for more, and I did buy into it all. But Im the only one apologizing. Sooo that tells me she should feel like crap for the rest of her life.